


Sanity was a Miscalculation

by mobilisinmobili



Series: Double-0-Everything and Nothing at All [3]
Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BAMF Alex Rider, Bad Decisions, Camping, Character Building Activities, Deal with a Devil, Friendship, Hiking, Near Death Experiences, Not Really Character Death, Suffering, Teenagers, Tom Harris is not amused, learning experiences, trauma for days
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobilisinmobili/pseuds/mobilisinmobili
Summary: Tom’s football coach requests a favor. Alex obliges; all in the name of service, honor, and light hearted sadism..Or.It took all of one week for Tom to know beyond a doubt that he was never E V E R going to join the military.
Relationships: Alex Rider & Original Character(s), Alex Rider & Snake, Alex Rider & Wolf, Ben "Fox" Daniels & Alex Rider, Eagle & Alex Rider, K-Unit & Alex Rider, Tom Harris & Alex Rider, Tom Harris & Wolf, Tulip Jones & Alex Rider
Series: Double-0-Everything and Nothing at All [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754563
Comments: 21
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set ~7 months after "9.8"

“I don’t know, mate. I heard the coach talking to Lukas about trying out some new training regiments.” 

“Heard that that well, actually. Ya know Petis?”

“Andrew Petis? Bloke from the gymnastics team?” 

“Yeah. Well ‘parently the gymnastics team’s coach was wanting to try out some joint training clinic or whatever. Heard he’s talking to the other coaches.” 

“That’s mad bro. Feet belong on the _ground_ , thank you very much. I’m not about to do handstands around the football pitch, eh-Tommy boy?” 

“I dunno, Marcus. You seem to be off your feet on your arse a _lot_ these past few games. I think you’d do just fine.” 

Tom sidestepped the ginger’s shove with a burst of laughter. 

“Stone _cold,_ Harris!” 

“Damn right I am, Isaac. And don’t fucking forget- ” 

“Holy hell, boys! Go go go _go!_ ” the trio jerked back in synch at the sudden excited shout racing towards them. 

“What the hell are _you_ on Trevor?” Marcus quirked a brow. 

“Louis and the rest of em’ said they, honest to god, saw an Aston Martin turn the corner into the school’s lot just now.”

“An Aston Martin?” 

“Yes, an Aston Martin. Like double-0-seven Aston Martin!” 

The group scrambled to the nearest classroom, which conveniently happened to be where they’d been headed. 

“Look, _look_! There it is!” Trevor pointed excitedly. 

Tom swore he felt his gut freefall for a moment once his eyes registered just _which_ car it was the excited blond was pointing at. 

“It’s an-”

“Aston Martin V-12.” Tom finished in a mumble, brows furrowing in growing confusion as the car slid to a graceful stop in one of the empty parking spots marked off for ‘visitors’. 

“Wait, isn’t that the car we saw-” Isaac’s brows furrowed in consideration. 

“Oh yeah! Your step brother, right? The one in special forces.” the ginger blanched. “Yo...real talk though, he was intimidating as _fuck_ , bruv.”

Tom snorted half-heartedly as the group drew closer, peering out in heightened curiosity, _fully_ invested in the bizarre little case unfolding before their very own eyes on what had been a _very_ boring Friday so far. 

“It _is_! Look! He’s even got the beret and everything.” Trevor exclaimed. “Do ya think he remembers the whole...Mcdonalds incident?” 

“He remembers _everything_.” Tom grimaced. 

“What’s he got in his hand there? Looks like some paper or something.” Isaac squinted, trying to get one last good look before the mysterious arrival stepped through the doors and out of sight. 

Tom’s eyes widened, forcing him to take a step back from the window as things started to come together in his head. 

It _was_ paper. A letter to be precise. One that came in the mail on Saturday, when he was too irritated to take it to his room but too stressed to actually rip it up and throw it out. The one he’d _stupidly_ left out in the open on the coffee table in the living room, _completely_ forgetting that the spy would be returning soon. 

Soon being, _today,_ and he did _not_ look happy… 

“I’ve um-I think I forgot something back in Mr. Eldrich’s class-” He froze at the sudden ringing of the in class phone. 

“Yes, hello? This is Mrs. Silova speaking.” the Russian language teacher answered. “Oh, actually, yes. Yes. I see-” she held the phone away, turning to the group.

“Tom, I think someone is at the front office for you. An _Alex Rider_? I wasn’t aware you had an older brother, what with your emancipated status.” 

“Oh… Yeah-um he’s my uh-step brother.” he stuttered out an answer like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Oh, I see. Well, you may be excused. I’m sure you can get the notes from your friends later on.”

“Thank you.” he tried for a smile before grabbing his backpack, rushing out without another word. 

This was _not_ good. 

This was _not_ how he’d planned to broach the subject, and especially not _when_. 

Not the day Alex got back from what had been a sudden two week call to Beacons as a MI6 liaison and instructor in what Tom _vaguely_ understood as some sort of new urban logistics and reconnaissance simulation type training course. The poor bastard was probably more than a little exhausted but had opted to run through the final meetings and debrief in a row instead of hanging back an extra day, only to go home and find the letter if the fact that he hadn’t changed out of uniform was anything to go by. 

And while _he_ knew he’d done nothing wrong, the letter had painted _quite_ a different picture, something that would have probably sent up red flags in the spy’s head. 

But what worried Tom the most as he speed walked toward the front was the fact that, if it was indeed the letter that Alex was here about, he was probably going to demand a meeting, and that meant he’d meet the teacher that had caused this whole situation in the first place, something Tom had _really_ hoped wouldn’t happen because he was almost ninety nine percent sure the man, Mr. Eldrich, his ‘Government and Politics’ teacher, would bring up what he told Tom to his face that fateful class last Thursday. 

The possibilities were endless and _terrifying_ , but he continued on, taking in a shaky breath before he turned the last corner before the front office. 

And there he was, standing ramrod straight while filling out the necessary paperwork, in uniform, complete with the sable belt and khaki beret.

“Alex-”

The blond glanced up, looking more than a little bemused. 

“Tom-” he signed on the dotted line on the bottom before handing the clipboard back with a polite “thank you” before stepping towards the brunet. 

“Welcome back…?!” Tom’s attempted enthusiasm faltered at the spy’s unimpressed stare. 

“Who the _hell_ is Mr. Eldrich and why is he accusing you of cheating?” Alex hissed stalking over until they were eye to eye brandishing the folded letter. 

“He’s um-he’s my ‘Government and Politics’ teacher and uh… there was a... _misunderstanding_ …” 

“He’s threatening to give you a zero on exam two and give you a total class score penalty. That is _not_ a misunderstanding, _Tom_.” Alex responded sharply, eyes narrowed in checked anger. 

“I know for a _fact_ that you didn’t cheat.” he leveled his tone. “Am I right?” he stared, waiting expectantly for an answer.

Tom nodded. 

“I didn’t cheat.” he returned evenly. _That_ was something he was ready to defend. 

“Good.” Alex nodded, backing off. 

“That’s all I need to know.” he turned expectantly at the sound of a door opening. 

“Mr. Rider-” 

Tom barely held back a groan. 

“Headmaster Lynch-” he nodded in greeting, accepting the man’s handshake. 

“I was curious as to who Mr. Harris’ emergency contact would be, with his emancipated status and all that.” 

“Step-brothers. We live together.” 

“Ah, I see.” he gestured for them to enter, holding open the door to his office. 

Alex prodded Tom forward, nudging him into one of the chairs across from the man’s desk before settling in to stand behind, hands resting on the back of Tom’s seat.

“You are here about the letter, I presume?” 

Alex nodded. 

“From what I understand, one of Tom’s teachers has accused him of cheating.”

The headmaster nodded with a small frown. 

“That would be Mr. Eldrich. He teaches year twelve and thirteen ‘Government and Politics’.” 

“I’d like to request further clarification on the matter. From the teacher himself, if possible.” 

“Well, actually-you’re in luck. I do believe Mr. Eldrich has a free period right now.” Lynch reached over to the phone on the wall behind where he sat. He pressed an extension, waiting for a few seconds before speaking. 

“Ah, Mr. Eldrich. Yes, hello. No. I’m calling to request your presence. Mr. Harris’ emergency contact is here right now. Mhm. Yes. Yes. He was hoping for clarification on what happened. Yes. Thank you.” with that he hung up, leaning back to put the phone back on its cradle before turning back to the two. 

“Mr. Eldrich will be here in a moment. Please, feel free to take a seat. I can have someone bring another-” 

“I’ll remain standing, thank you.” 

“Whatever is comfortable to you, Mr. Rider.” he shrugged. 

They descended into a moment of heavy silence with the headmaster looking everywhere _but_ at Alex who stared resolutely back. 

He was _pissed_ . Tom could tell. There would be no mercy for anyone involved, and letting the headmaster squirm in his own office was just the beginning of what would be a very interesting _very_ long meeting. 

Awkward silences be damned, he’d seen Alex do worse. 

“Pardon my saying, but you look awfully young…” 

“I enlisted early.” 

“Oh… I see…” 

Alex nodded, wiping his face of emotions. Something he’d perfected over time to where it was. It was unnerving at best. Tom didn’t need to see to know that was what the blond was doing. The headmaster’s jumpy eyes and the nervous tick of the man’s hands said it all. 

“Basic military, then? Or…?” 

“Definitely ‘or’.” 

Tom saw the confusion in the man’s eye at the confident answer that wasn’t _quite_ an answer. 

“Does that mean-” 

He was cut off at the sudden loud knock on the door, startling him out of his confusion. 

“Yes, come in.” 

The door opened to reveal just the person Tom had _really_ hoped he wouldn’t have to see. He turned back forward, sinking lower in his seat before jolting ram-rod straight at the sudden tight grip on his shoulder.

The ‘sit up!’ went uncommanded, but he did so anyway, remaining in the uncomfortable position.

“Mr. Eldrich. Thank you for coming.” the headmaster stood, ushering the teacher in. 

“No problem, Headmaster. I was wondering whether this meeting would happen.” There it was. The tone. The backhanded comments. The man was practically a walking example of microaggression, and Tom was _positive_ Alex would have caught on already. 

“Well, Mr. Eldrich, this is Mr. Rider, he is Mr. Harris’ emergency contact. They’re step-brothers.” 

Eldrich nodded, taking his seat, sidestepping the formalities Lynch had taken altogether. 

“So do you two live with separate families or? I was under the impression that Mr. Harris was an emancipated minor.” 

“He is.” Alex replied, mirroring the man’s flat attempt at a civil tone.

“But we live together.” 

“With no parents?” 

“That _is_ what emancipation entails.”

“I see…” it came off more as a sneer than a thought, as though he’d proven some secret.

“Well, Mr. Rider. If you’ve read the letter you probably know that I am considering giving Harris a zero on the most recent exam because I caught him cheating, which is _absolutely_ not allowed in my class. I have a zero tolerance policy.” 

“So I have read. I would appreciate further clarification. How exactly did he cheat?” 

The man held up a familiar packet of paper. 

“This is exam two.” he handed it over. 

“If you flip to the last page, you will see that Mr. Harris got numbers twenty seven and twenty eight correct and twenty nine incorrect.” 

“I see.” Alex quirked a brow as he read the question and saw the answer Tom had written, which had been obnoxiously circled in red, with a note to stay after class.

“I admit, I added the wrong questions when I made the exam because I make a new exam every time to handle possible cheating.” 

“But the answer’s correct.” Alex replied, looking to the man for confirmation. 

“Yes.” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand.” 

“I accidentally added two questions from a chapter we haven’t covered yet. A chapter we started this week, actually.” 

“So you’re saying that Tom shouldn’t have known the answer anyway.”

“Precisely.” the teacher nodded. “Even if number twenty-nine _was_ wrong.”

“That doesn’t prove that Tom chea-”

Eldrich held up a hand, cutting the blond off mid sentence. “If you would be so kind as to read number twenty seven.”

Alex glared a moment before turning back to the page. 

“The United Kingdom Special Forces(UKSF) are a part of (blank).”

“And he put-”

“Strategic Command.” 

“And question number twenty-eight

“Which active United Kingdom Special Forces(UKSF) group carries the insignia of the ‘winged dagger’ with the motto: ‘Who Dares Wins’?” 

“And what did Mr. Harris put?” 

“The 22 Special Air Service - AKA; SAS.” 

“See?” Eldrich exclaimed. 

“No, I _don’t_.” Alex replied flatly. 

“There is no way that any of those kids would have known the answers to that degree. They’ve all got their phones with them nowadays. He looked it up.” 

“So what you’re saying is that you don’t actually have any concrete evidence of Tom cheating. _You_ are just going by your own belittling opinion of your students.”

“Pardon?!” The man spluttered. “This isn’t me _belittling_ them. You know how teenagers are nowadays. Do _you_ honestly think that any of them would know _anything_ about special forces or the military in general off the top of their heads? These kids aren’t the _type_ to even be considering enlisting in the future!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet.

“You’re sure about that?” Alex took a step towards the man, staring him dead in the eye. 

“That _none_ of those students would know anything about the military?” 

“You don’t know them like I do. I see them every single day. Put up with their wisecracks and half-arsed work. A little cheating isn’t out of the ordinary.” 

“So you really _genuinely_ think Tom cheated. No further questions, and no other explanations?”

“That’s right.” 

“I see. And why is question twenty nine circled?”

“Read it.” Eldrich demanded. 

“The (blank)’s RHQ is located in (blank). *See above answer.”

“And he put-” he gestured for Alex to read the given answer. 

“He put 22SAS and Credenhill.” 

“It’s not Credenhill. It’s Herefordshire. Like I said before. He probably googled the answer. It’s just _too_ specific, even with it being wrong.” 

“Where’s your proof?” 

“I’ve already explained-” 

“No, I mean about this answer- number twenty eight, being wrong.” 

“It’s on the presentation and study guides I post online.”

“And where do _you_ get the information for the presentations and study guides on _this_ topic specifically?” 

“It’s in the textbook _and_ through carefully researched government sources.” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“Well unfortunately, Mr-” he stumbled. 

“Rider.” 

“Mr. Rider. Actual research and factual information don’t depend on whether you ‘think so’ or not.” 

“Don’t get it twisted, Mr. Eldrich. I am not doubting ‘actual research’ and ‘factual information’-” Alex stared the man down, dropping the niceties. 

“I’m doubting _your_ research and outdated facts.” 

“That is an _awfully_ strong accusation to make, Mr. Rider. I do hope you have actual _evidence_ to support it.”

“I do, actually.” 

“Oh yeah? Like _what_?” Eldrich spat. 

“If your research was up to date you would know that the 22 SAS along with Special Reconnaissance, Joint Special Forces Aviation, and 18 Signal Regiment all share an RHQ location and that location _officially_ moved from Herefordshire to Credenhill in 1999 and has remained in Credenhill to this day.” 

The headmaster’s jaw dropped. 

Tom couldn’t hold back the wince. Arsehole or not, the man had chosen to go up against the wrong person over the wrong subject. But it was just _too_ perfect.

“So no, your information is not ‘up-to-date’ _or_ factually correct. And as for answer twenty seven, I know for a _fact_ that Tom didn’t cheat because he doesn’t _need_ to. He knows _exactly_ which force it is because he’s seen that very insignia before _in person_.” he pulled his left arm forward, tapping the insignia emblazoned on the patch on his sleeve. 

“22 Special Air Service. A part of UKSF which _is_ a part of Strategic Command.” 

Eldrich’s eyes widened, mouth opening and closing at a loss for words. 

What were the _odds…_

“And I’ll have you know that Tom would _never_ cheat because he wouldn’t feel the need to because he _actively_ puts time and effort into his course work, day in and day out. He knew those answers because he read ahead and asked me questions. That was before I was called in two weeks ago. So what _I_ want to know is why you think that jumping on assumptions, _especially_ about cheating, as a teacher is okay. And for that matter, I want to know what sort of accountability takes place in this school as a whole. Were there steps taken to try and corroborate Mr. Eldrich’s assumptions with other teachers?” 

“Um-” the headmaster spluttered, at a loss for words under the suddenly intimidating tone and merciless gaze. 

“Or was it because of his emancipated status? Mr. Eldrich seemed pretty surprised that someone actually showed up. Does the school think that it can bully a student just because they assume there would be no parental backlash?” 

“Absolutely _not_ , Mr. Rider! That’s prep-” 

“Then _why_ was there no mention of any sort of meeting in the letter? Why did _I_ have to personally request one? Because it _sounded_ like a summary more than a warning.” 

“I-I’m sure the language of the letter was a little-uh-misleading…No harm meant.” 

“ _Really_?” Alex hit right back, turning to face the headmaster in all of his actual irritated glory. 

“Then what happens now?” 

“Well, now that we’ve ironed out this-this misunderstanding, I’m sure Mr. Eldrich will be more than happy to rescind the-um- _suggested_ course of action and reinstate a _proper_ grade for Mr. Harris’ exam.” 

Alex turned back to the lanky man who nodded with a grimace. 

“So everything is settled?” 

“Yes. Rightfully so.” The headmaster stood.

“Good. Thank you.” Alex nodded, handing Tom’s exam back. 

“And for future reference, I would appreciate a specified time and date in the event of a necessary meeting. It was pure luck that I happened to be available today at this time with my work schedule.” 

“Ah, yes. Of course!” 

“And Mr. Eldrich-”

The man turned, glaring narrow eyed. 

“I _do_ hope to see a revised study guide and presentation for this chapter.” And with that he let Tom lead him out, shutting the door quietly behind.

* * *

“I actually _can’t_ believe you did that…” 

“I don’t appreciate unfounded accusations.” 

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure Eldrich was about to have a stroke.”

“That can be arranged.” Alex muttered darkly, pushing the front door open. 

“Absolutely _not_!” 

Alex snickered at Tom’s genuinely affronted expression.

“Joking. I’m _joking._ I’ve got more important things to do, mate.” 

“Speaking of things to do, are you done for the day or…? I mean, when’d you get back?” 

“Got on the road about nine thirty and got home around two, give or take. Which was when I saw the letter. And then I came straight over.”

“How are you still functioning...?” 

“Coffee.” 

“Do you get some days off now?” 

“I do, actually. A week. But I’ve got to head over to Vauxhall for a bit. I need to talk to Ben about some paperwork that went missing.” 

“Oof…” 

“I’ll probably be around to pick you up from practice. We can stop by and grab some take out for dinner.” 

“Sounds like a plan. I should be done around five. Like two hours?” 

Alex nodded, stepping into the driver’s seat, reaching back before handing Tom his missing water bottle. 

“Just text me.” 

“Will do. 

Alex buckled himself in, starting the engine. 

“Oh, and Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I _really_ don’t need Eldrich to hate me more than he does…” 

“I don’t know Tom, that sounds like a personal problem to me.” 

“I’m being serious!” 

Alex smirked. 

“I have absolutely no interest or intention of ever seeing him again unless _absolutely_ necessary, Tom. You have my word. Scout’s honor.” he held up a hand. 

Tom rolled his eyes. 

“Anyway, thank you though. I really do appreciate what you did. I was honestly considering just taking the zero and doing extra credit...” 

Alex grimaced. 

“If you _ever_ do something like that I will _personally_ drop kick your arse.” he plucked the aviators from his collar, putting them back on. 

“I’m being for real, Harris. _Don’t_ test me.” 

And with that he rolled his window up and sped off.

* * *

“You must be Mr. Rider, Tom’s step-brother?” 

“I am.” Alex accepted the proffered hand. 

“I don’t mean to be so forward, but I heard that you were-are in special forces and I was hoping to talk to you about a project the football team is doing.” 

“A school project?” 

The coach nodded. 

“All of the school’s sports teams are obligated to participate. A sort of occupational endeavour slash academic experience to balance athletics and academics outside of the class.”

“I’m intrigued. What sort of endeavor slash experience are we speaking of?” 

“Well, it depends on the team. I know that the basketball team is shadowing a physiotherapist and that the tennis team is working with a local environmental studies group in Stave Hill Eco Park to help clean up and plant trees.”

“How long is the duration of this project?” 

“One full week. All seven days.” 

“Not bad.” 

The coach gave a nod of agreement. 

“And when I heard about you and your work, I thought it would be an interesting challenge for the lads. I mean, it would probably mostly consist of them training athletically. Maybe some other basic things…But I _completely_ understand if it would be a hassle on your schedule or job.”

Alex deliberated a moment, staring out at the pitch where the team was running drills. 

“And when does this project begin?” 

“This Sunday. Tomorrow would be the general introduction and rules and such.”

“You know what? I think this is a great idea. I’m sure it would be a great experience for them as well, and I _just_ happen to receive two weeks of downtime.” 

“So you’ll do it?” 

The blond nodded politely. 

“Great! Thank you so much! They’re going to be _so_ excited!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The McDonald's incident happened in "The Enemy of my Enemy"!


	2. Chapter 2

"I _cannot_ believe you agreed to this." 

"He asked _nicely_. And I won't be called in for another two weeks. I had time." 

Alex smirked rounding the corner a little _too_ fast. 

" _Rude_!"

"Don't be _cranky_ . I told you about this after dinner. I _specifically_ sent out an email as well, _well_ before 19."

"You mean _seven_ , like a _normal_ person." Tom muttered, glaring daggers. 

"I mean nineteen hundred hours like a military personnel, which I _am_."

"You couldn't just stick to being a _spy_?"

The blond shrugged good naturedly. 

"I figured, why not do both."

"Like a fucking _maniac_."

"Yeah, well this _maniac_ is going to be your drill instructor for the next week whether you like it or not, _Thomas_."

"Sir, yes sir." Tom snarked, rolling his eyes. "But my _football team_?!" he whined.

"Your coach was grasping for straws, Tom. And you said so yourself. That there were last years in your team interested in enlisting."

"Yeah, but since when were you a _recruiter_?!"

"Since Jones said this could cover for the "Spy Games" position I was supposed to take. ‘Specially since I haven’t physically been assigned to any missions since I got reinstated back in January. That puts me at almost seven months being out of the field. That gives this year’s ‘Spy Games’ potentials an unfair advantage. ” 

“You passed your physical though? And you went for that two week refresher course after your birthday. I mean, you workout almost every day.” 

“I just _barely_ made the cut level during that refresher, and I run like two kilometer under what I’d normally run at camp.”

“I’m almost scared to ask how much you guys normally run…” 

“About seventeen kilometers, give or take.” 

“You’re _joking_ …” 

“I’m not.”

Tom gaped, eyes bugging in clear shock. 

“You run _fifteen kilometers_ a day?!” 

“Except on Saturday and Sunday.” 

“You also go to the dojo on Sunday…” 

“Gotta mix it up a bit, you know?”

“Are _we_ going to run fifteen kilometers…?” 

Alex snorted.

“Of _course_ not. That would be reckless and cruel.” he eased into the empty parking space. “That doesn’t mean you won’t be running _at all_ though. I’ve definitely scaled things down.” 

“That doesn’t make me feel any better about this…” Tom unclipped his seatbelt, following the blond out of the car. 

“That’s okay. After this week you won’t be feeling much of anything.” 

“You’re fucking _awful_! You know that?!” 

Alex snickered, locking the car behind him, a stack of papers in one hand as he strode purposefully forward. 

“Come on, Tom. Lesson one, always be on time.” 

“We’re half an hour early.” 

“I’m _both,_ remember? Half an hour early is on time in Vauxhall. And besides-” he waved the thick binder in his other hand. “I was told Eldrich would be here.” 

“Excuse me…?” 

“I figured he’d appreciate some _actual_ sources.”

* * *

“That’s everyone.” 

“Thank you, coach Codell. I’ll take it from here, but could you get these passed around please?” 

The man nodded, taking the small stack of paper from the blond. 

“Right. My name is *Lance Corporal Alex Rider. I’m with the 22 SAS division within UKSF.” 

There were murmurs of interest by the parents seated in the room. 

“Now, I will let you all know now that one week is a _very_ small amount of time in terms of experience. However, I _will not_ condone any slacking off. By the end of this week-I’m talking to you lot” he nodded to where the team sat, grouped together half in fear and half in rapt attention. “-you _will_ have _definitely_ grown in terms of physical endurance and mental resolve amongst other things.” 

Tom winced. 

Things were going to be so, _so_ bad. He could tell, and he could tell because he’d heard the same sort of professional solemnity from Daniels when he’d asked about his time in the military _months_ ago, around when Alex had passed selection.

All fun and games until he realized that ‘growth’ almost _always_ meant ‘pain and suffering’. 

“So, to summarize; there will be individual and team physical training sessions every day save for Saturday and Sunday. I will also be teaching basic skills that are used within the military. This includes, but is not limited to, skills like; first aid, map reading, outdoor survival, and problem solving within high stress situations.” 

Tom blanched further, as his eyes roamed over the timetable for the week. He didn’t even _want_ to know what the _hell_ a ‘Fan Dance’ was or why it took up the entirety of Saturday and most of Sunday. 

“Most of the training will be done here at the school’s football pitch apart from the planned activity on Thursday and the trip on Saturday overnight to Sunday morning.” he paused, letting the information sink in. 

“The risk will be low, and I will be present to make sure no one gets hurt. But in the case of an injury, I do need emergency phone numbers-parents, you can jot that down on the last page in the form. But as I said before, we will be skimming the surface, so it will be an opportunity to experience what enlisting looks like, for those of you last year students. And of course, as mandated by the school, the final report _must_ be turned in by next Friday.”

There was a cacophony of groans as they remembered the added section of the project. 

“Now, the school has given the football team permission to stay overnight the entirety of the week due to the scheduling. So I do advise that everyone stay on campus. But if there is any reason that your child cannot stay overnight, please don’t hesitate to let me know. But do be aware that training will start, as it does in base camp, at five AM sharp.” 

Alex didn’t miss the amused snorts from some of the parents. With good reason. He knew that if Tom was any benchmark to go by, the new schedule would be a _very_ jarring wake up call to many on the team. 

Poor bastards…

“Now, for everyone staying overnight for the week, for clothing I recommend two shirts and two pairs of athletic pants to switch out. The school has given permission for the team to use the sports washing machines so there will be time to do laundry. Clothes to sleep in. Socks and undergarments. A sturdy pair of trainers. Clothes for Thursday’s activity, I recommend long pants-advisably not sweat pants. Jeans or cargo pants work well, and a long sleeve shirt. And a set you would be comfortable hiking in.”

He paused to let everyone jot things down. 

“You’ll also need a notebook and pens or pencils, a pillow and a sleeping bag, and most importantly, a proper watch. You will not be near your phones for a considerable chunk of the training time.” 

The team grimaced as a whole. The more Alex explained, the more real things were becoming, and the fear was really starting to sink in. 

“If you have any sort of medical problem, let me know, as well as any sort of medication needed. I’ve put a number at the end of the information sheet. Parents, if you, at any point during the week absolutely _need_ to talk to your child, please call that number. I’ll have the line open at all times. So with that, does anyone have any questions?” 

A hand went up from the team. 

“Name?” 

“Uh-Isaac Johnson...sir.” 

Alex quirked a small smile. 

“Go on.” 

“Out of curiosity-” the boy blurted. “What was your-um-specialty? If um...if there is anything like that...”

“There is, actually. I was designated as the unit’s sniper and tactician.”

Another hand jolted up from the group. 

“Marcus Campell, sir.” Alex nodded for the ginger to continue. 

“Will we get to use a real gun?” 

“ _Absolutely_ not. The blond shook his head not missing a beat. “Next question.” 

Tom raised his hand, meeting Alex’s bemused gaze with his own cheeky smirk. 

“Tom Harris, _sir_.” Alex quirked a brow. 

“Can you get ‘binned’ from this project?” 

“No. But you _should_ keep in mind that this project is one that is to be completed as a _team_ . Therefore, any penalties given will also be given as a _whole_.” 

Tom snapped his mouth shut, leveling the blond with a withering look. 

Of _course_ he would. 

The cheeky bastard was SIS. he should have seen it coming. There was no way any of them would tap out now. Which meant that there would be no savior. No sweet release from the hell week they were about to take part in. 

“Anyone else?” 

The parents group shook their heads, whispering amongst themselves. 

“In that case, you all are free to go. For those of you all staying the week, you need to be back at the school 21 hundred hours, at the _latest_. That’s nine pm, so eleven hours from now.” 

He stood, allowing further questions, watching parents and students trailing out. 

“Tom-”

Tom froze halfway out the door. 

“ _Yes_ …?” 

“You can sit back down. _We_ aren’t done yet.” 

“... _We…?”_

He waited until the last of the parents filtered out, leaving the two in silence.

“Yes, _we._ Jones wants a word.” 

“Who the fu-” Tom broke off, eyes widening in sudden realization. “Wait. Jones as in _your_ Jones? As in _Vauxhall_ Jones? _That_ Jones?!” he hissed, leaning in. “Why the fuck does she want to talk to _me_ …? I swear I haven’t done anything-” 

“It’s not about something you’ve done.” 

“Then why-”

“And Ben too, He said he needed to talk to you ASAP. _That_ I think _is_ about something you’ve done. I’m not sure though. He sounded pretty pressed this morning.” 

“Right now?” 

“Right now.” 

“We’re going to Vauxhall _right now_?”

“Don’t worry, Tom. If it _was_ anything serious, you’d already be arrested by now.”

“Jesus- _fucking_ \- _Christ_...I think I’m gonna pass out.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, out of the entirety of the "Double-0-Everything and Nothing at All" series, this story is the one I've decided to add as many funny/fluffy/not violent-gory-angsty situations to, so I apologize in advance if things get a bit out of hand!


	3. Chapter 3

“She's not going to kill you, Tom. You can relax." 

"I've been summoned by the goddamn  _ deputy head  _ of  _ MI6 _ . I can't  _ relax _ you absolute madman! I haven't been  _ trained _ for this!" Tom spluttered, stressed to the  _ t. _

"To be fair, you've got a solid three ish years.  _ And  _ you get to take the elevator."

"Three years on  _ what _ …?" 

"On getting summoned into Secret Intelligence affairs." 

"They  _ blackmailed _ you, Alex. Actual job now or not, you weren't _ summoned _ , you were  _ dragged _ . Dragged and then  _ drugged _ which makes them a hundred times more creepy." He stiffened as the gate lifted and they began the slow descent into Vauxhall's basement parking. 

Alex snorted in clear amusement, moving further down the  _ obnoxiously _ bright lot before pulling effortlessly into his spot. 

"Well, lucky for you, Jones isn't looking for a new teen operative so I'd say you're safe, for now." 

"For  _ now _ ?!" 

"Vauxhall is restricted to the public which means that you've been put into the system. Your name, address, prints. An  _ actual  _ file with  _ actual  _ footage and photos and whatever else 6 finds to be 'in the favor and safety of the queen and country'." 

Tom gaped in wide eyed horror as Alex killed the engine, grasping tightly onto his seatbelt, all intentions of leaving the car going up in billows of terror. 

"I'm being  _ watched _ ?!" 

"No." 

"Oh  _ Jesus _ ! Don't scare me like-" 

"You're being  _ tracked _ . There's a difference. They start with a file. On you and most likely your family." Alex shrugged casually. 

"You're bloody  _ awful _ , you know that?" 

"Oh, I've been told." 

"Heartless bastard." 

"That too, surprisingly enough." 

"I'm leaving." 

"How?" 

"The way we came in." 

"You're expected to have passed the garage entrance scanner-" he pointed to the glass double doors a few meters ahead "- in the next four minutes or so. If you don't, or if you  _ do  _ try to leave that way, it's going to trigger a code navy." 

"Do I even want to know…?"

"It would be interesting at the very least. I've never actually seen a code navy before. Not in person anyway. Thought it was a little over kill the first time I was taught what it was though. They had a video and everything. They've got a special team waiting around the garage. Armed to the teeth. And they have a special K-9 unit able to be out those doors within three minutes of the alarm.  _ Huge _ ones. Pointy teeth and all." 

"You're lying." 

Alex shrugged. "Like I said, I'd be interested in seeing a code navy in action. I'm sure Ben would be able to call it off before you got too scratched up." 

"Why would Daniels need to be the one calling it off? Aren't you an agent too?" 

"Smart. Technically yes but, as the person who's clearance you're under, I'm dragged into the code protocol as well. They'll have someone on me to make sure I'm doing my part to bring you in. Any funny business and I'll be detained as well. Under any means necessary." 

"They'd  _ shoot  _ you?!" 

"Ideally with a tranq dart first." 

"They couldn't, I dunno, tackle you or something?" 

"If they're in a situation where it would be the best option, yes, they could." He paused, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "You're asking a  _ lot  _ of questions,  _ Tom _ …" 

"What can I say? I'm a natural born question asked,  _ Alex." _

There was a pause before Alex unbuckled, breaking eye contact first. Tom followed suit, grabbing his phone from his pocket, swiping in. 

"Alex?"

"Yes…?" The blond glanced warily over, one hand on the door latch, the other grasping his keys. 

There was a flash, a click, and a rushed  _ "sorry, mate _ !" Before Tom was out, leaving the passenger door wide open as he raced forward making a mad dash for the parking incline. 

"TOM!" 

Alex was on his tail within second, looking none too amused at the sudden run. 

"It's  _ educational _ !" Tom shouted, hitting the incline just as he felt Alex close in. And then he heard it, a solid  _ pop _ and then a burst of pain in his right shoulder. 

"What the  _ hell _ !" 

"Yeah Tom. What the hell?!" It was the few words he managed to hear  _ clearly  _ before the world started tilting, as the sounds around him started tunneling and distorting. He heard vicious barks and then nothing.

* * *

"So um… I'd just like to start this little meeting with an apology…" he glanced over at Alex who stared back, nursing what looked to be the beginning of a migraine if the way he was glaring daggers back, rubbing at his temple let him know. 

He swallowed thickly, turning back to the  _ severely  _ bemused head of SI. 

"Totally reckless on my part-" he put his hands up in surrender. "But if I'm being completely honest-" 

He didn't even see Alex move before he squawked  _ loudly _ , shin bursting into pain. 

"I was  _ curious _ ! Jeez! I'm sorry- _ ow!"  _

He recoiled as Alex moved again, fast as lightening, clipping him on the shin again. 

"Gentlemen,  _ please _ ." The spy froze, sitting up ram rod straight, attention diverted back to Jones who turned her undivided attention on to Tom, making him fight the urge to squirm. 

"Mister Harris-" 

"Jonesey-ey-hey. I meant, hey. Sorry. Mrs. Jones. Director-um-" 

_ Jesus... _

Alex muffled a sigh. Whatever was in store, it was going to be a  _ very  _ interesting meeting to say the least. He could feel it in the incoming waves of tension headaches. 


End file.
